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Date Movie (2006)

aka Date Movie

"An Unprotected Comedy"

Details: 83 mins · English

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Cast:

Small Julia Jones
Small Grant Funkyerdoder
Small Andy
Small Roz Funkyerdoder
Small Bernie Funkyerdoder
No_movie_poster Linda Jones
Small Frank Jones
No_movie_poster Betty
Small Nicky
Small Anne
Small Hitch
No_movie_poster Eduardo / Housekeeper
No_movie_poster Justice of the Peace
No_movie_poster Old Cat Woman
No_movie_poster Sam
No_movie_poster Wedding Planner / Receptionist
Small Frodo
No_movie_poster Jell-O
No_movie_poster Gandalf
No_movie_poster Jewelry Store Clerk
Small Napoleon Dynamite

Crew:

No_movie_poster Arnon Milchan Executive Producer
No_movie_poster William A. Elliott Production Design
No_movie_poster Paul Hirsch Editor
No_movie_poster Daniel A. Lomino Art Direction
No_movie_poster Paul Schiff Producer
No_movie_poster David Kitay Original Music Composer
No_movie_poster Teresa Visinare Set Decoration
No_movie_poster Jason Friedberg Author
No_movie_poster Aaron Seltzer Director
No_movie_poster Amanda Harding Casting
No_movie_poster Amanda Koblin Casting
No_movie_poster Alix Friedberg Costume Design
No_movie_poster Shawn Maurer Director of Photography
No_movie_poster Jack L. Murray Producer
No_movie_poster Dawn Carter Producer
No_movie_poster Jason Friedberg Director
No_movie_poster Jason Friedberg Production
No_movie_poster Aaron Seltzer Writer
No_movie_poster Paul Hirsch Editing

Taglines:

"An Unprotected Comedy"

"Everyone wants a happy ending."

"For people who LOVE date movies and people who HATE them."

Plot:

Julia Jones is an obese woman, who dreams of marrying Napoleon Dynamite, but even in her dreams she is rejected. Writing in her diary, she thinks she will never find her true love. Julia goes outside and dances to impress men on the streets, but is unsuccessful.

Later on, Julia goes to work at her dad's Greek diner. Her dad, Frank, suggests she get married to someone of the same heritage as her. Julia is half Greek (her dad, who is actually portrayed as an African-American), half Indian (her mom) and half Japanese (her Japanese sister). He suggests Nicky, a dirty, greasy man. She then meets the very British Grant Fockyerdoder, with whom she forms an instant attraction. When Frank yells at Julia to get an order, she turns to respond and hits Grant over the head with the coffee pot she is holding, knocking him to the floor. She turns around only to find his table is suddenly empty and figures he ran away.

Julia wants help and goes to see a love therapist, Hitch. Hitch rejects her at first but reluctantly agrees to help her. Julia explains about the man at the diner and thinks it will be impossible for him to fall in love with her. Hitch takes her to a garage where she gets "pimped out" and made slimmer. She earns a spot on a reality television dating show called The Extreme Bachelor, the bachelor turning out to be Grant, the man she met in the diner. Grant greets all the women and is asked to eliminate the losers, which he does by shooting them. Julia is the last woman standing and is rewarded with dinner for two at a restaurant called "A Restaurant". After their meal, Julia and Grant head back to her apartment, where they have sex. Julia takes Grant to meet her parents. There is immediate tension between Frank and Grant. Grant goes to the bathroom to see Jinxers, the family cat, defecating loudly and continuously on the toilet. Things get a lot worse when Grant attempts to open a bottle of champagne. The cork hits a vase that contains Frank's mother's remains, and the problems only get worse when Jinxers begins humping the skeleton.

Later, Grant takes Julia to Tiffany & Co., where they turn on the lights to reveal the salespeople ready to let her pick whatever she wants. Grant then confesses he loves her and proposes to her. Julia happily says yes. Then, Frodo, Gandalf, and the others try to pawn off a ring, with Gandalf pleading that the ring could "destroy all evil". Ignoring him, Frodo accepts the offer of $50. The hobbits then turn and repeatedly kick Gandalf in his "precious" (testicles) and run off to "get some wine coolers... and hookers!" Now it is Grant's turn to take Julia and her family to meet his parents. This meeting does not go well either, as Roz, Grant's mother, informs everyone that Grant lost his virginity to their gay housekeeper Eduardo. Frank secretly brings Nicky along, telling Julia she has no choice but to marry him. Julia runs off, devastated. Later, Frank has a one-on-one basketball game with Grant's father, Bernie. Things get bad when Frank gets a huge taste of Bernie's chest hair.

The next day, Julia and Grant go to a wedding planner named Jell-O, who has a massive butt. Jell-O suggests they go to Taco Butt, but they want something a little fancier. At first she is offended but when Grant tells her that he and Julia have already taken care of the other things listed for the wedding, Jell-O tells them that she wanted them to see what she had booked for the entertainment, which was her dancing. She does some dance moves and backs up towards them with her massive rear and crushes them. Julia finally gets the chance meet Andy, Grant's best man, at the swimming pool. Julia assumes Andy is a man, but finds she is really a woman who was engaged to Grant only three weeks before. Andy helps Julia shop for her wedding dress. At the dress store, Julia hits her head on a power box and finds that she can read people's thoughts. Julia finds from reading Andy's mind that she still has feelings for Grant and plans to split the two of them up. Julia and Andy fight each other, Kill Bill-style. Julia grows depressed, fearing that she will always be alone. She goes back to Hitch and tells him about Andy. Hitch reckons she does not stand a chance against Andy — but if she does, then everything will be fine in the end. Julia grows confident again and figures that she just has to make it through the wedding rehearsal at her dad's diner; then, only one day until their wedding. There, Andy shows up and accuses Grant of using Julia to get over her, but Grant ignores her.

The big day has arrived, but unfortunately, Julia wakes up with a big pimple on her face. She eventually pops it, blowing her to the back of the room and knocking down a wall, but she is late for her wedding. Meanwhile, Andy finally tells Grant how she feels about him, and that Julia does not deserve him. She wants to marry him but Grant steps up and says he wants Julia. Andy ignores him and kisses him. Grant pushes Andy off and sees Julia, who has caught them in the act and runs away.

Days later, Julia goes back to her apartment and is surrounded by balloons, gifts, and letters from Grant. She cannot forgive Grant, and agrees to marry Nicky. Once at the altar with Nicky, Julia is regretting it and has flashbacks about her and Grant. Frank, realizing that Julia is unhappy, stops the wedding and tells her that Grant is the one for her (he saw it in her flashback). Frank shows Julia a magazine with a picture of Grant and a message. It says to meet him on the rooftop of her apartment building. After an epic journey - throwing Andy down a stairway, bashing someone on the head with a baseball bat to get their bike - she gets there, only to find she just missed Grant. She leans her hands on the railings, causing it to snap and fall right into Grant's arms. They get back together and get married, with Hitch officiating. Andy and Nicky meet at the wedding, and fall in love. Meanwhile, Grant and Julia leave in a horse and carriage. Julia also gets a present from her mother-in-law: a vaginal thermometer which apparently has been in their family for generations and is regarded as good luck when it is not washed.

The film ends with Grant and Julia attending their honeymoon on Kong Island. They film a woman, Anne, tied to two pieces of wood. King Kong comes on and rips off her dress, leaving her clad in a leopard print bikini. Kong then gropes her, she says "I like hairy guys" and Kong roars and flattens her.

Release Dates:

DVD : 2006-05-30